To Life's Peaceful Place

I am taking a meditation class.  Even though meditation is supposed to be a personal process, learning and doing it with seven other people in the room is interesting. 

I admitted to the class that I was extremely nervous in the beginning when the instructor said she was going around the room to hear our thoughts.  I am very bad at keeping composure while talking in public, and I am not great at acting like an extrovert.  However, it was commented that I was doing better in mood and thought by the end of the class.  From the beginning of the second class, I felt more comfortable with the familiar faces, and my heart wasn't beating out of my chest.

Am I supposed to feel emotional during the guided meditation?  I had a wonderful time within those few minutes seeing imaginative trees flowing back and forth under my eyelids.  When the instructor's voice mentioned to picture love, I thought of my partner and family there within the trees, but sort of fuzzy and unattached.  I felt happy with everyone gathered around and smiling at me.  It didn't feel like I was in a high school classroom with the lights off.  I suddenly felt a buildup and tears came out right away. I felt myself smiling, but I did not break out of the joyful peaceful feeling within myself.

I think my eyes need to leak out about a pint a week just to feel normal.  It is not rational that it happens, but I feel better with less stress after doing so.  Most of the time, it's situational, and I am feeling bad about myself for certain events that occur.  It is so good when it is about something happy.  Recently, I am mixing in more happy thoughts and anticipation for future events.

It would seem like a good idea to put aside work and chores to sit with my eyes closed in silence or with soothing music.   However, I feel more stressed at the thought of putting work on hold and prolonging it from getting done.  It is doubly hard to leave games and fun times to meditate.  So where's the time between work and play?

Meditation is so hard to do every day.  I find that just doing tasks, such as reading and walking by myself can bring me to that inner peace that I need during the day.  During the work day, I can think of a tree or a forest of them, and I can get there.  It's not as deep as being in a state of no thought or an out of body experience, but a repetitive, calm atmosphere where stress can slowly decline for me.